Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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