Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
