im six kinds of drunk right now
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
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Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
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When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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