I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
