remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize