you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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