i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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