"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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