That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Sorry my hands just texted you
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
