Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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