dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
