ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
