Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
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I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
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You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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