He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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