you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
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We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
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