I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Randomize
