a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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