I CAN MOONWALK!
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize