In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
