have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Randomize
