You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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