There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
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Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
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If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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