This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
