Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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