come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
