we're chasing vodka with high fives
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
