did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
