i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.