i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.