Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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