My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
