So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
