Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
You smell like a Billy Joel song
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?