i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.