Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I want you more than these girls want KFC
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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