You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.