i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Randomize
