similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
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I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
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His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.