New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
