In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
