i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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