You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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