She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
