Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
