Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
