an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
