she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
