just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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