remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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