I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
We left an ass print on the piano.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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