batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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