I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
