Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
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