I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
