I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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