Can i not drive my cunt home
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
