How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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