seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Randomize
