It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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