I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
