OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Randomize
