If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
You're breaking my sexual little heart
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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