I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
